Friday, April 21, 2006

She Left Me

My wife has left me and taken the kid. I believe she will look after him, I believe I will see him again soon. It's kinda hard to deal with. I need friends now, she was the best friend I ever had. Greg Schloesser, if you read this, it wasn't too much gaming that caused it.


jtakagi said...

I don't know you at all, but I've been reading your blog for the past month. All I can say is that I'm sorry and that I hope you can make it through this - I don't think I can even imagine how difficult it must be. Hang in there.

Yehuda said...

I don't know if this was sudden or building up for a while. If it was building up, I don't know how much you really knew about it.

I also don't know how much each side contributed to this, whether you guys have explored therapy (please please do) and whether this is permanent or temporary.

My first wife and I got divorced, so I can sympathize. This is going to be hard; if you're like me, the child issue will be even harder than the spouse issue.

My advice:
Get therapy for yourself, minimum six months.
Get legal representation, assuming that you are talking divorce and not just separation. My wife and I had the most amicable separation you can believe, but there is no such thing as a friendly divorce. Don't be petty, mean, or unfair, but protect your rights.
Get out into fresh air.
Do things with your free time that make you feel good about yourself. Volunteer, start a project, be creative, and so on.

Always be polite, and don't argue in front of the child; he or she needs to be loved by both parents, and needs parents that are respected by each other.

Good luck, and keep us updated.


Ryan Walberg said...

I'm really sorry to hear that, John. I don't have much expertise but Yehuda sounds like he knows what he's talking about. Good luck.

Chris Shaffer said...

If I lived in Australia, I'd come over and play a game to help take your mind off your problems.

Good luck with the transition.

MaksimSmelchak said...


All I can say is that you have to make the best of this and move on at some point...

Take your time to grieve, but also plan to consciously accept what's happened and make yourself a new life without her since she's chosen to leave you out of hers.

My girlfriend of roughly two years left me earlier this year and I was upset for awhile and then I decided to start dating again. It's helped me to realize that she made to choice to leave, not I.

My friend, Tas AKA Paul is also in Oz.

Look him up if you get a chance.

Here's his blog:

Here's mine:

You'll have any help that I can offer.


mikey said...

John, this is absolutely awful. I can only imagine the anguish. The simplicity of your post speaks volumes.

I'm sure you have social supports beyond the electronic, but please let me know if I can do anything over these next couple of months.

Melissa said...

Oh no, John.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

We have been looking forward to seeing you and Harley in July.

Fraser said...

Very sorry to hear about this John.

Friendless said...

Thanks for your support guys. I have a sister in Brisbane who is somewhat supportive when she's not busy being furious, and an uncle who's always ready to have a beer. My wife has been depressed for a few years, since her mother died, and just this year other complications have made her worse to the point where she is tearing us apart. I spoke to her this morning and she has calmed down a bit and I believe she has gone to her sister's place (I forgot to ask!) for a week. I don't know what will happen after that - maybe she will come back and want to work on things, or maybe she will come back just to get her stuff. I let her know that if only she will start communicating openly with me that she is welcome to come back either way, but I can't accept or handle any more deceit. I'm confident that whatever happens she will be around and the kid and I will play games together again soon, but it will be hard to accept that the person I go home to won't be there.

OzGamer said...

John, that is just awful. I don't want to preempt anything or claim any great knowledge or expertise or wisdom, but I will just say this - one way or the other you will come out the other side and things will be better.

In terms of Harley - whatever happens you should try to work out something that suits everyone without involving the Family Court, but if it comes to that, the laws have changed recently and you need to realize that it is important for Harley to keep you as more than a one-day-a-fortnight part of his life.

I am not being at all flippant when I say that your sharing of games as a hobby is extremely important and you should make every effort to keep that going whatever is happening in your marriage.

I'm really sorry to hear this John - if there's anything I can do please let me know.