Many months ago, when I first joined Facebook and discovered Scrabulous, Scrabblette challenged me to a game of chess. I don't want to be accused of not playing games that I think I'm going to lose, so I accepted. It was just as horrible as I expected. Armed with scimitars and magic wands Scrabblette's army of pawns and horses charged across the board and hewed into my hapless back row which was still stuck behind a stolid rank of pawns. Fighting as fiercely as I could while facing check after check I eventually rebuffed her, but the losses were severe. I got a good shot in on a retreating horse though.
I found myself with room to breathe, and rather than prolong my agony I charged to the attack. With some very careful defensive play I managed to put her king in check a few times, and blood was spilt. Then came almost a month of hiatus while we had problems getting the chess program to display well enough to play the game. But when we got back to it, TADA! My knight had an opportunity to fork her king and her queen. Oh, the horror for her! I captured the queen! She still had some troublesome rooks but with her queen out of the picture I sent my queen in to attack. With various checks I managed to capture both of the rooks, and indeed every piece which scared me. The game ended with my queen and rook chasing her king into a wall of pawns as illustrated.
It was a glorious victory, but not so glorious that I would choose to play again. I know that in chess one bad move can be fatal, and I make many of them. I had no idea until the queen got forked over that I might win this game. Every move was played in a panic, checking and rechecking every combination to satisfy myself that what I was about to do wasn't News of the World front page stupid. I just don't get the game well enough to be relaxed playing it.
Nevertheless, I won. Now I don't have to play any more.